Book Review: Skulduggery Pleasant--Spoiler Alert!

Skulduggery Pleasant-- A written analysis

--The Swanky Cullom McC.

OK, since my first review was so popular (historic note: the Y chromosome does not equal failure to understand or "get" Twilight) I thought that I would join in the merry making and write a review of a book that I actually liked quite a lot: Skulduggery Pleasant. (this one's Y chromosome friendly, for those of you who don't know. Contradiction count:+1) One of the main reasons I liked this book was because of its sense of humor and playfulness and seriousness when necessary. There's no avoiding it-- I want to write as well as Derek Landy. The humor in the book is smart, cynical, and has some snark to it, but it stays broad audience friendly because the reader can usually get whatever the book throws at you, and the book doesn't pander to the slowest common denominator. Well, I guess some of the humor could be considered smart.... but I digress. The book has wonderful pacing and never has a boring moment or a moment just used to fill up pages, and when it really kicks up, boy, does it kick up. The action scenes are vivid and exiting, while the dialogue can get rather snappy, with great and colorful characters to boot. Make no bones about it: I love this book to death. I love it so much, that I decided to give the characters a few little nick-names. The voices in your head are telling you to stop reading because this guy doesn't know the line between fantasy and reality because he gives the characters in books his own nick-names, aren't they? Well, the voices in MY head are telling me that I don't. Then again, people care more when characters in books die rather than someone who is real but they don't know dies. Now aren't I the morbidly insightful little scamp, hm? <---------That's egotism, if you couldn't tell.

Now that we have my little fan boy rant out of the way, I guess it's review time. Sigh. I wish I could review as I read page by page. Then again, that would make the above paragraph completely useless, wouldn't it? Skulduggery Pleasant starts out with Gordon Edgely, a walking, talking plot device. I'm going to call him..... dang, what CAN I call him? If he had three nephews named Hughey, Dewey, and Louis, then I'd know to call him Unca Donald. But sadly, this is not the case. It doesn't matter, as he gets killed off after writing the seventh word of the twenty-fifth sentence of the last chapter of his latest book (I kid you not, it actually says that).
The first chapter starts off with Stephanie Edgely, a twelve-year-old girl who goes to her unca's funeral while watching her relatives steal things from the dearly departed's house. Later on, we get to hear the will, which dumps the plot on us in the shape of a big, steaming heap of plot devices. I'll make a list of who gets what in the family below:
Steph: Gordon's house, royalties to his books, and all of his valuables

Steph's mom and dad: A villa in France

Uncle Fergus and Aunt Beryl AKA annoying character #'s 1 and 2: A boat and a broach, but are totally unappreciative on the grounds that Fergus is afraid of water and the broach is UGLY. Ungrateful little jerks<------(librarian editing in advance)

And some dude in an overcoat, wig, gloves, sun glasses and a hat: Advice. Unnecessarily cryptic advice.

So, I think that we have all established by now that there are no plot devices that will come back to haunt us there. Nope. Just some random objects with story relevance. Once that's over and done with, Steph goes and spends the night in her unca's house. The unca's publisher calls and asks if his latest book is finished, but instead of actually checking in the back of the manuscript, she starts reading the whole thing from the front. Steph then comes back to her senses hours later to find that it was twelve o'clock. She then receives another phone call asking for some key that [SPOILER TAG] actually has. After being turned away, he decides to let himself in through the window, the polite fellow that he is. He then starts to attack Steph, but then some dude in an overcoat, wig, gloves, sun glasses and a hat comes in and throws a fire ball, but apparently the other guy is, like, from a Final Fantasy video game and got armor with level seven flame resistance. He then laughs and says "More, more," so the dude in an overcoat, wig, gloves, sun glasses and a hat takes out a revolver and shoots him, like no other character in a fantasy book does, because, you know, when you've got a quest with tons and tons of perils that are likely to kill you, you have to get dangerously close to said perils in order to kill them with a SWORD instead of using a gun, because guns would be so much more effective for.... well, killing things, and would make things too easy for the main characters, thus resulting in many unnecessary deaths and injuries avoided. I mean, just think of how Lord of The Rings would be if people had guns and cannons instead of swords and bows? Maybe even cross bows would have made a big difference. Well, I guess magic could count as a compensator, but then again, not every one can use it, unlike a gun, and some people just aren't any good at magic, where as with a gun, you can just shoot until you get lucky enough to hit something, and magic takes time and energy to use. However, this guy has both! How versatile!
During this struggle, the dude loses his hat and wig and is revealed to be a skeleton named Skulduggery Pleasant, other wise known as He-who-shall-be-called-Skully. However, after being shot only ONE TIME, the guy with level seven flame resistance runs away.... what a wimp! Afterwards Skully takes Steph for a car ride and explains about a secret war of sorcerers and magic and also explains about how you have three names: a taken name (basically a screen name for the magical community that you choose yourself) a given name (your parents give you this one) and a true name (you are born with it; it is buried in one's semiconscious) and how if someone finds out your true name, they can control you like a barbie doll, meaning that they can control who you love, what you do, how you feel, etc. Skully also explains about magic, and how there are Adepts, who can control illusions and a wide variety of other things, and Elementals, who are people who can control the four elements with magic. After driving for a while, they then stop outside of an old tenement building where Skully gives examples of elemental magic. They then go inside of said old tenement building and meet China Sorrows (an enchantress that makes people fall in love with her, despite any mental/physical boundaries) who I can't decide what to call other than an inappropriate Austin Powers reference, so I'll just avoid the whole nick-name thing with her. Skully then discusses with China about who the big baddie behind the whole attack on Steph was, and China disagrees with Skully about who the master mind behind the assault on Steph was and Skully storms off.
While riding home in Skully's car, Skully explains that the villain he was talking about earlier was Nefarian Serpine, AKA this dimension's equivalent of Voldemort, only this Voldemort still needs a wand but has delusionsof grandeur and wants a scepter that can revive gods and kill anything, and also has low finances and therefore can't afford a competent group of henchmen or horcruxes, and therefore doesn't take seven books to kill. After the plot is given this new found depth, the oh-so-polite hench man from earlier wrecks the car, chases Steph, and then falls into a canal and dies. On an added side note, against all odds, Steph's phone doesn't short out. Just thought I'd mention that. It's so important to know that you can text your BFF's on a regular basis until your thumbs fall of, or you get carpenter's disease.
Afterwards, Steph gets picked up at unca Gordon's house, and afterwards talks about how boring and mundane normal life is, just like every other fantasy genre character ever. Skully later pulls up in the drive way and takes her to see Ghastly Bespoke, AKA magical sewing Muhammad Ali (Muhammad Ali is a famous boxer, and Ghastly Bespoke boxes). Once they arrive at magical sewing Muhammad Ali's house, Skully so meanly dashes Steph's and the reader's hopes of there being an under water colony of octopus people. How cruel! After arguing with magical boxing Muhammad Ali, Skully convinces him to tailor a magical suit for Steph. During said argument magical sewing Muhammad Ali, magical sewing Muhammad Ali refuses to disclose any information about the scepter that the equivilant of this dimension's Voldemort is after.
Because of magical sewing Muhammad Ali not telling them what they wanted to know, Skully and Steph decide to break into an art museum guarded by vampires in order to gain entrance to magical sewing Muhammad Ali's family chamber. Do you follow? Good. That's what I thought. As it turns out, if you touch the floor in said art museum, the alarms will go off and the vampires will chase after you. Now, let me get this straight: these vampires are nothing like the vampires that are supposedly "HAWT" (you know the ones I mean). Seriously, they will RIP YOUR EFFING HEART OUT. So, after much unnecessary excitement, Steph and Skully get into the family chamber of magical sewing Muhammad Ali, where they meet a blue astro projection of an old man, talk about ancient art, and leave. While leaving, Steph and Skully get chased by the two vampires guarding the gallery, and go home, where Skully is captured by he-who-must-not-be-named (just kidding, it's only Serpine. The wizards and witches in the audience can stop soiling themselves now), thus setting the plot into motion.
In order to help Skully, Steph goes to China, who confines her via a spell, which Steph breaks by choosing a name. What's Steph's new name? Well, why are you asking me? Can't you just ask her? I swear. You readers are so lazy sometimes. In fact, by now, only half of you are probably still reading. But I digress. Steph forms the magical A team in order to save Skully. This magical A team consists of Tanith Low (Blonde, gang bangerish chick with a sword; is on what appears to be magical steroids), magical sewing Muhammad Ali, and two guys with big scythes, just to look cool. The characters who have names rescue Skully, while the guys with big scythes die, with one corpse missing. Surely THAT won't come back to bite us in the butts later.
While talking later on, Skully tells Steph about how the fate of the world lies upon her willingness to visit her relatives, Fergus and Beryl, who were given the broach during the will reading. Why is the broach so important? It's the key to a network of caves in which the scepter that this dimension's Voldemort is after. Steph and Skully go into said caves after obtaining said broach from Fergus and Beryl. Steph and Skully then go and meet Mr. Bliss, the most powerful man on the planet, who betrays them, stealing the key/broach, thus setting the plot twists and plot into motion. Dang. That guy really is powerful. Steph and Skully just get into the network of caves by following the bad guys who now have the key (Serpine, Mr. Bliss, henchmen) into the cave. After some running away from a lot of dangerous stuff, including Serpine himself, who, mind you, found the scepter he was after by breaking open an old chest, and was shooting black lightning everywhere.
Am I going to fast for you guys? Really? Good. It's my goal to summarize the rest of the book within the following paragraph. Are you ready? really? good. Here it comes....
Steph discovers that she is an ancient. The council of elders gets killed off. This dimension's Voldemort is actually after a book of everyone in the world's true names. Tanith gets into a fight with one of the men with big scythes from earlier, who Serpine bought back to life. That same guy with a big scythe casued magical boxing Muhammad Ali to turn himself into stone in order to protect himself from having his head cut off. The book of names that Serpine is after gets destroyed along with him. Tanith escapes her fight with her life, and they all live happily ever after.